What is loneliness?

Loneliness is often understood as a difference between the quantity and quality of relationships that people desire and those they actually have. The quality of relationships has to do with how close, frequent and trusted they are, and whether there is a mutual exchange in them.

Let's talk about “lonelinesses” in the plural.

There are many different experiences of loneliness, more or less intimate, serious or desired. For this reason, Hariak does not speak of loneliness in the singular, but of “lonelinesses” in the plural. Let us look at the different forms of loneliness:

Objective loneliness

When a person has few or no social relations or is isolated. It is something that can be measured. It does not depend on whether the person feels lonely or not.

Subjective loneliness

When a person feels lonely, even though they have many interpersonal relationships.

Private loneliness

The person experiences loneliness in intimacy, in private, they do not express or share it.

Declared loneliness

The person expresses or acknowledges that they experience loneliness.

Desired loneliness

The person finds sources of personal well-being in their chosen experience of solitude.

Unwanted loneliness

The person feels loneliness and finds sources of emotional discomfort in this feeling.

In addition, Hariak speaks of three types of loneliness:

Social loneliness

When a person has few or no relationships with other people.

Emotional loneliness

When a person feels that they have few or no close and meaningful relationships, that are intimate, affectionate or trusted.

Existential loneliness

When a person feels that they have lost their purpose or role in their immediate environment, their sense of being part of the community or participating in society.

Myths and facts about loneliness

Myth/False belief

If a person lives alone, they feel lonely

Reality

A person can live alone and not feel lonely

Myth/False belief

Loneliness and isolation are the same thing. If a person has no relationships, they feel lonely.

Reality

Not having social relationships does not always equate to feeling lonely, and a person can feel lonely, even when they are in company.

Myth/False belief

Virtually all the elderly feel lonely.

Reality

An older person does not necessarily have to feel lonely, although it is more common to face situations such as loss of loved ones, living alone or having fewer social relationships that can lead to this feeling.

Myth/False belief

Loneliness only affects certain groups of people.

Reality

Loneliness can affect anyone.

Myth/False belief

Feelings of loneliness arise only because of what a person is going through in the present moment.

Reality

Feelings of loneliness can be related to what a person has experienced throughout their life.

Myth/False belief

Everyone has the same type of loneliness.

Reality

Each experience of loneliness is unique and personal.

Myth/False belief

Each individual experiences one type of loneliness.

Reality

The same person can experience different forms, types and facets of loneliness.

Myth/False belief

Loneliness is always a negative thing.

Reality

Loneliness is not always bad, it can be enjoyed or learned from.

Myth/False belief

Feelings or situations of loneliness always stay the same.

Reality

Feelings or situations of loneliness can change over time.